Fabula Mirabilis
by Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator
Summary: Kyoko calls Madoka for a simple chat... then just decides to tease her senseless. T for some minor language.


_**It's been forever since I've published anything...mostly because I've been too busy to be bored enough to write something myself, as opposed to helping other authors. Whatever, I'm back now, and this time I'm spreading out to another fandom. The idea for this came from a few jokes between myself and fellow author superstarultra about Kyoko - and from some awkward conversations between a group of people I go to class with. Hope you enjoy!**_

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><p><em>Mitakihara Town, 12:35 AM<em>

The door to Kyoko Sakura's hotel room slammed open by its current occupant, tired from a search for a familiar. The girl had been on the hunt since eight o' clock that night, and hadn't gotten anything to eat in the past few days.

Naturally, she was quite cranky.

'_Ugh. Fuck this town. Seriously. Fuck. This. Town,_' Kyoko said to herself in her head. Stripping her jacket from her slender frame and kicking her boots into the corner, the girl sat down on her bed. She glanced around her dark room before a sigh escaped her lips. Earlier that day, she had expected her day to flow rather smoothly.

It hadn't.

When she had heard from Kyubey that the city was ripe for the picking of witches, she'd been very ecstatic about the news. A part of her had been somewhat depressed that Mami was now gone, but that friendship had long passed on. The city was up for grabs and she was lucky enough to nab it before any other Puellae Magi showed up. She was practically entitled to Mitakihara after her time in Kasamino.

"Stupid blue... idiot... Try and be nice for once..." Kyoko grumbled to herself, rifling through a backpack of hers for a snack; both to cure her hunger and boredom. "I spent my time looking around all day for that giggly familiar I chased away from her and how does she thank me? Throws a sword at my head!"

She growled some more, finally fishing out a pudding-cup, plastic spoon, and a banana from her bag. Kyoko dug into her pudding right away, needing something to forget her day's frustrations. Trying to locate a jumpy familiar was one thing. Trying to explain something to an angry Sayaka was something else.

"I nearly had that familiar until she showed up and started yelling at me! What the hell? I still can't believe I held back on her! Could have beat her ass into next week!" Kyoko rambled, shoveling her snack into her mouth. "And if that wasn't bad enough,_**she**_ had to get involved! Jumping in out of nowhere, flipping her hair, and trying to look all cool... Bitch."

She finished her pudding then set about peeling her banana, before abruptly stopping and sighing.

"And while I'm thinking out loud here, I think she actually did try to shoot me on purpose while I was running. Lord, I know it's always wrong to assume things about others, but so help me, I think that irregular got a kick out of sneaking up behind me while I was yelling at the blue dumbass. Scared the crap out of me!"

Kyoko jammed the entire banana into her maw and began to chew. She sagged her shoulders after her tirade and flopped onto her bed.

"Nobody listens to Kyoko Sakura anymore," the spear-wielding girl grunted (though with her mouth full, it came out as a series of gurgles). She continued to lay there a bit longer, wondering what else she could do. It was midnight, but there wasn't anything Kyoko could really go out and do. Her body refused to leave the comfort of her room and her mind still wanted to do something. Out of options, she licked up a small blob of pudding on her lip and decided to go to bed.

'_I'll just shut my eyes for a little while..._' Kyoko thought. She settled under the covers in her shorts and tank-top before shutting her eyes.

...They didn't stay shut for long.

She made sure that her ring was still around her finger and turned to see her red cell-phone lying on the nearby nightstand. Her mouth formed into a thin line.

'_Still can't nod off. Maybe... Eh, why not. Better make the use of the number after going through the trouble to find it and all..._' the redhead thought to herself, smirking somewhat as she picked up her phone. She entered in a few digits and waited.

Three rings later, there was a response.

"Ugh... hello?" Madoka's voice asked from the other end of the line. It was obvious that Kyoko had disturbed her sleep.

'_This is perfect! Now to lay it on her..._' Kyoko thought. She took a large inhale of air before huskily murmuring into the phone.

"Hey, baby... I'm feelin' kinda frisky tonight. What would you say... if I wanted to go down on you tonight~?" Kyoko finished, stifling a giggle.

"Ehh?" Madoka nearly pissed her pants at the caller's suggestion until she realized exactly how familiar that voice was. "...Kyoko? Is that you? Why are you calling me? Is something wrong?"Madoka was wide awake now thanks to the magical girl apparently hitting on her.

"Hey, pinkie. Nice to hear your voice without stuff getting trashed in the background."

"...How did you even get my cell-phone number in the first place?"

"Kyubey told it to me."

Madoka's sleepy eyes widened considerably. She'd already put up with Kyubey's frequent attempts to contract her just fine, but now he was giving out her personal information willy-nilly? How he even knew about her number in the first place or cell-phones in general both interested and terrified her. The sound of the Puella Magi on the line snapped her out of her thoughts entirely.

"Ya know, you and I don't really talk much, ya know?" Kyoko continued, ignoring Madoka's query about her intentions, and instead choosing to go off on some other matter. "I'd say hi to you in class or something, but all that homework really piles up for me."

Madoka shook her head and sighed. "I guess we really _don't_, Kyoko. It's one in the morning, and you don't even go to school. Why are you calling me anyway? Did Sayaka threaten to beat you up if you talked her?"

"Gee, looks like someone's really always strawberries, rainbows, and unicorn-farts. And for your information, I just didn't feel like talking to your blue buddy, who can so NOT beat me in a fight. I just wanted to chat with you."

"How come?"

"Don't know. First person to pop into my mind, I guess. You remind me of my sister sorta."

"That's really sweet to say."

"Yeah. She was really cute and a bit of a huge annoyance at times, too."

"Oh, Kyoko!" Madoka chastised, keeping her voice down. "That's so mean!"

"I'm a mean person, Madoka," Kyoko answered back, allowing one of her fangs to poke out of her mouth.

"I got that impression from our first meeting. It wasn't exactly... cordial."

"Okay, I don't know what that word means, but I do have this to say. I am... sorry about how I acted that day in the alley. Making good first impressions isn't my forte. I was pretty crazy."

"...You tried to kill my best friend right in front of me and admitted to letting familiars hurt people so they could mature into witches for your own gain."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know that really wasn't one of my best moments! I was going through a phase. And I would never hurt you."

"Really..."

"Yes. I'm _trying_ to do good now. I even went after that familiar I chased away from Sayaka from before. Scout's honor. Besides, I can't make such a cute wittle face sad~."

"Well..." Madoka's voice trilled. "If you promise to not to be mean to Sayaka anymore and work with her sometimes, then I guess I can forgive you. And please stop making it sound like you're in love with me. It's creepy."

Kyoko let out a deep sigh, rubbing the side of her face. "Yeah, sure. I promise." A grin made its way onto her face. "And how is me saying nice things about you creepy? I just think you're really cute is all. Maybe I'll snag you away from Homura someday~..."

"Kyoko-"

"You'll be all mine one day, Madoka... And when that day comes, I'll get you to scream out my name in bed! Weh heh heh~!"

"Quit it, Kyoko! And that laugh makes you sound like a dirty old man. ...Anyway, I'm sure Sayaka and Homura will forgive you after I talk with them later."

The redhead adjusted her position so that she now had one elbow on top of her pillow. "Just be sure to tell her and Miss Trigger-finger about this at the same time. I don't need them double-teaming me in the future."

"Homura is just really protective of us," Madoka replied sweetly.

"Protective of _you_, you mean. I really think she's going to hump your bones out the first chance she gets. She's got a serial-killer look in her eyes if I ever saw them," Kyoko whispered, resisting the urge to snigger.

"Homura isn't like that! She's my friend. Just like how Sayaka is good friends with Kamijou," the pinkette returned, blushing deeply.

"Pffft. That klutzy-looking guy? I think I remember him now. I'm surprised Sayaka hasn't screwed him already!"

"Sayaka's not that kind of girl! She wouldn't take any kind of advantage over him!"

"He looks like a klutz to me though. Probably trip over those big feet of his and smash something. And you know what they say about guys with big feet, Madoka..."

"What do they say?"

"Ummmm... Nothing. I kid, I kid. Anyways, Madoka, where are you right now? And what are you wearing~?" Kyoko cooed. An audible groan across the phone-line got Kyoko to smirk, but luckily any laughter was kept inside.

"Kyoko, you're _really_ nosy. I'm in my room trying to get some much needed sleep. Kyubey is currently snoring away on my ankles and keeping my feet warm. Please just get on with it, Kyoko."

A million things ran through Kyoko's mind. She could point out the obvious sex joke in Madoka's last sentence, lead her on, give up the joke and hang up...

...Actually, that second option seemed kind of funny at the moment. Inhaling yet again, Kyoko replied in a tone not unlike someone asking a person leaving a room to close the door.

"Wow, Madoka, we really gotta go to work on your bedroom talk. It's pretty lousy. Flatter than an eight year-old girl." Another groan, coupled with the sound of skin hitting skin (a facepalm, presumably) was heard over the phone.

"That was an awful pun. Do you really have anything else you want to talk to me about?" Madoka asked again.

'_...Crap! What do I say now?_' Kyoko thought. She was about to hang up when a brilliant thought entered her brain. Perfect!

"Well, have you done it yet?" she asked calmly. From the comfort of her bed, Madoka's sleepiness was pushed aside as her curiosity came through.

"It? What do you mean?"

"You know. It. That _it_. The it girls our age usually do. IT."

"O-Oh!" Madoka stuttered, her face becoming the same shade as Kyoko's hair. "Uhhhh... Errr..."

"Well?"

"I-I haven't... r-really thought about that a lot. I mean, well, I figured I'd just wait for a while until I felt ready enough to find the right guy and-"

"Madoka, you know I was just asking you about if you made the contract with Kyubey yet, right?" Kyoko suddenly said in her best serious voice.

Madoka paled greatly, made sure Kyubey hadn't woken up from the mention of the word 'contract', then started hissing into the phone.

"_No, Kyoko, I didn't do __**that**__ yet. Now please, I'm tired, we've been talking for over ten minutes, and I got a quiz in school tomorrow,_" the embarrassed girl snapped into her phone. As mad as she was, she tried to maintain an air of politeness.

From her hotel room, Kyoko was barely fighting off her giggles. "Do you really have to leave now? Because I wanted to tell you the answer to the feet question." Kyoko threw the figurative bait in the water, hoping for a nibble.

...She got one.

"Feet question?" Madoka asked, practically forgetting her mortified fury. Kyoko smiled.

"Oh. Well, it also applies to girls, too. You know what they say about girls with really big feet, right, Madoka?" Kyoko asked.

"Kyoko-" Madoka began.

"Madokaaaaaa~..." Kyoko playfully yawned.

"...That's freaky. Please stop that," Madoka flatly responded. She wanted to hang up, but her mama had taught her not to be rude.

"Mmmh..." Kyoko pondered the suggestion. "No. I'll never stop! Now the answer to the feet thing, Madoka. Let's apply it to me as an example." Kyoko smirked darkly.

"Kyoko, stop." Madoka began to get the idea of where Kyoko was going.

"It means that I have a really big..." Kyoko began to speak in a more "sexy" tone.

"Kyoko!" Madoka exclaimed over the phone.

"Shaggy..." Kyoko moaned.

"Stop it!" Madoka shouted. "You're weirding me out!"

"Red..." Kyoko cooed.

"_**KYOKO!**_" Madoka outright shrieked.

"...Ponytail," Kyoko finished, stifling a giggle.

"...Kyoko, you pervert," Madoka finished, wearing an enormous frown. Not bothering to hide her laughter anymore, Kyoko managed to get in another line over the phone.

"See, I _told_ you I could get you to scream my name in bed!"

"…Oh, fuck you," Madoka swore, one of the rare times she ever let herself say something stronger than "darn".

"How hard, Madoka~?" Kyoko cooed. Over the line, she could have sworn she heard Kyubey complain about the noise after Madoka's parents burst in to see what just happened.

_Click._

The dial tone sounded over the phone.

'_Success!_' Kyoko said in her head. Not even a second later, she started cackling like a witch from an old cartoon, only stopping when the occupant of the next room started pounding on the wall to get her to shut up.

"Ah ha ha... this night wasn't so bad after all..." Kyoko breathed. Putting her cell-phone on the nightstand, she allowed herself to succumb to sleep, a large grin plastered on her face and an occasional giggle letting itself loose from her mouth.

'_Mmmmmm... Madoka, you are really, really cute..._'

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><p><em><strong>...Well that was interesting. I really hope I've improved somewhat since my brief departure (if anyone's a fan of K-ON, I have two other fics in that section). The title (Fabula Mirabilis) is Latin for "A Strange Story", in case someone is wondering. Please review, tell me how I did!<br>**_


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